I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
