im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize