I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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