Banned from zoo.
Again?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize