My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
