dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
