dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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