get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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