I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
