Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
time to smoke my breakfast
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
