i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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