Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
