After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
