So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
