It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
