Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
