I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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