HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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