Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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