and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
