TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
