I can text with my tongue
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
