I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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