pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
