i would punch a child for taco bell
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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