areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
