I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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