sarcasm needs its own font
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
