I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
