i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize