so that wasnt chicken after all
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
