Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
