sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
