I just threw up on my dentist
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He did a backflip because drugs
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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