This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
