I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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