Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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