I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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