I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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