You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
