So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
