We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
