It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize