Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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