My brain says no but my pants say off.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Your cock deserves a montage
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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