First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
