i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i now understand why vodka
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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