sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
