just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
