First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
