then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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