she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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