cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I AM VODKA MAN
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
