20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
