I murdered the dance floor call the cops
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize