so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
