I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
