for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
