My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
