so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
