Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
