if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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