Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize