He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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